Friday, April 08, 2011

And off we go!

At this very moment, we are boarding a plane to Ethiopia (the wonders of post-dating!).  It's quite surreal to think that the anticipation of the past year is culminating right now.  Soon we will be with them.  Soon we will meet them. I've had a mixture of questions & emotions stirring around inside.  What will the boys be like?  Will they even like me at all?  Will the judge approve us as their parents?  Will the MoWA letter that we desperately need be in the judge's hands?

As I've juggled all of this in my mind, I have to admit that it seems that my nervousness is outweighing my excitement.  I think the reason is that meeting these little ones will bring this whole adoption thing to a new level.  They won't just be pictures anymore but real people.  Tiny, breathing, walking (maybe), crying (most likely), interacting people.  We'll connect in a new, deeper way, and that frightens me a bit.  There is still a chance that our adoption will not be finalized and fail.  A small chance but a chance nonetheless.  To connect and then to lose them would truly be devastating, but I still want to extend myself in love and care for these little ones while we're with them this week.

The Lord was kind to remind me of John 14:1 this morning:  "Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in me."  So we leave for Africa today with thankful hearts, trusting in what our good Father has ahead for us, whatever it may be.

As I've been spending some extra time these days pouring over each picture we've received the past few months, I realized I had written down some thoughts about our little guy that I hadn't shared yet.

My Son's Scars

I’ve studied every last feature, time and time again:
your inquisitive eyes,
the folds of your skin,
your gummy smile,
the angles of your chin.

All perfect, delicate, dear
to this mother who is not near.

But what I just can’t escape
are the scratches on your tiny face.

Difficult to notice but nevertheless there,
Faint in mark, strong in reminder
Beneath the curls of your goose-down hair
Etched on your face, etched on my heart
The silent voice of a betrayer

Who heralds the news of a past so grim
An unspoken memoir on your baby skin

Who asks questions that come with no easy reply
Swirling queries in my mind I cannot deny

How did your scars come to be?
Were you hurt? Did you cry?
The woman who carried you…who is she?
Does she still think of her little boy?
What will I tell you when you come to ask me?

What I do know, my son, is that I will replace
These relics of sadness with kisses on your face

What was once chafed, raw, and rasped
Will bloom into a new childhood grasped

There will be all the right marks for a little boy:
Dirt from the sandbox, mosquito bites
Your only tears are over a coveted toy
Doggy drool from Beans’ pink tongue
Wrinkles & dimples when you squeal with joy

Traces of chocolate or an ice cream treat
When the sun melts it faster than you can eat

Scabs and scuffs from when you fall down
Or paint on your face to make you a clown

Growing, growing, your face is changing
What was once fuzz is now a beard
That dreaded first zit from the hormones blazing
Lipstick marks from your bride’s first kiss
How fast it all goes…no short of amazing

Your face tells your story, from baby, boy, to man
All of it a reflection of His perfect plan

Remember, my son, that all the marks life leaves
Are a reminder that to Him we ought cleave.


Brandon and April said...

You are going to be a wonderful mother!
Can't wait to hear how things go and see pictures of them in your arms.
Praying praying praying!a

Rachel said...

We are praying for you guys! Can't wait to hear the news.

Emily said...

Oh Becky, I'm so excited for you guys!! I'm praying for you!! Can't wait to see a pic of you guys together!!!

Shayna said...

HOORAY! Have a safe trip and a wonderful time meeting your little ones!!

becky marshall said...

We are heading to Austin tomorrow to a wedding, and since yours was the last Austin wedding we attended, i thought i'd check out your blog and catch up! Sooooo excited that you are on your way to get your babies! They will know you. They will just simply feel at home in your love.

The Foster Family said...

Loved the poem. Praying for you guys--that you would feel God's presence through every up and down.

Rachel said...

Beautifully written, Beck. You're in our prayers! I love the photo of sock monkey and pal, too, they look pretty excited. We're praying for the mowa letter and also your connection with the boys. Keep us posted!

jscorbin said...

Thinking of you, Kev, and the boys. It will be ok ... Dad

Susan/Mama said...

Don't ever stop writing, my daughter. Your words are a gift from God and to the world. Lovely. Can't wait to hear how the trip went. Love you.