Thursday, February 03, 2011

Overwhelmed

I trust no other source or name


Nowhere else can I hide


‘Cause this grace gives me fear, and this grace draws me near


And all that it asks it provides

~Awake My Soul

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite modern hymns. It reads like old-school Gatsby, but it was composed by the Joni Mitchell incarnate we know & love as Sandra McCracken. I like it because it succinctly expresses the paradox that lies within the concept of grace: in order to know God fully & rightly, we must both fear Him and love Him. Grace helps us do that.

Grace is not free. It was joyfully extended to earth with a price, the price of Jesus’ blood. It joyfully costs us to obtain it, the cost of giving our lives to Him for Him to use in whatever way He sees fit. The blessings, the promises, the contentment of soul—all provided through grace. The trials, the difficult decisions, the sacrifice—all endured through grace. All that it asks in trial & sacrifice it provides for in blessing and promise, in perseverance and endurance. Grace helps us do that.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit I’m a little overwhelmed by this transition into motherhood I’m facing. The boys are 9 months apart, and a large majority of the things I need, I can’t purchase easily here. The decision to adopt demands a lot from us. It has not been and will not be an easy road. But we will joyfully walk it, knowing that in our sacrifice of money and convenience, we have the amazing opportunity to change the trajectory of these two little lives. Grace helps us do that.

We just received a huge trunk of things we need for our boys that we can’t buy here. It was lovingly carried over by a dear friend who volunteered to be our pack-mule. I’d really like to emphasis the enormity of her task. Traveling alone with her infant son on a 13 hour international flight and, while traversing through many an airport, lugging along a beastly piece of luggage intended only for my two little men. Grace certainly helped her do that.

When I finally got to open it up and explore, I was overwhelmed at the generosity represented within. Little shoes, little monkey pajamas, two Ergos to help us carry them across continents, and a slew of other things I’m honestly not entirely sure what to do with but was assured by my mommy friends that I need. So many people in the States contributed to help our boys’ arrival go just a little bit more smoothly. Grace helped them do that.

The task ahead of us is large. There will be more checks to write, more hours on a plane to fly, more pictures to scrutinize, more longing tears shed, more questions to wonder. But the grace that stands behind us and before us has provided, is providing, and will continue to provide.

Overwhelmed by grace.

5 comments:

The Foster Family said...

So many blessings! And so many emotions. It is a roller coaster ride! Trusting His grace with ya and knowing He will provide what we need day by day.

journeyingrick said...

john shared with me about y'all's new adventure with the kiddos - CONGRATULATIONS! that is so wonderful! they are so lucky and blessed to have y'all parenting them. go get 'em. y'all will do great.

Chris & Sarah Peek said...

That's one of my favorite hymns too, B. Thanks again for your honesty in sharing how you feel. Love you dear SIL.

Karen said...

Becky--
Having been the recipient of God's Grace so many times in the past, I know you are both being watched over and all will be well. I can not imagine the magnitude of your undertaking, but if ever there were two people equal to the task it is ya'll. You are in my prayers and I am overjoyed to be a part of your family, if only by marriage :) God Bless and keep you both. Aunt Karen :)

Susan/Mama said...

I get overwhelmed by what you are taking on and I'm just the long distance Grandma. But then I remember to give it to God and take it one day at a time. But you know that.