Saturday, August 16, 2008

U: Unlucky Patient

You can ask my mom…needles and I have not been friends for a long, long time. It goes back to when I was eight and decided that I wanted to have my ears pierced…and passed out when having it done. Needle after needle, shot after shot…and I’m out cold on the floor. I finally got to the point where I starting telling the nurses to lay me down unless of course they wanted to deal with my dead weight.

Enter Kevin. He tries to be tough, he really does. But it’s hard to forget that one time in college when he went to get an immunization for an overseas trip. Four nurses ended up picking him up off the floor.

So once upon a time, this unlucky pair gets to go to the doctor. In May, we flew to Virginia for some interviews and physicals with our company. When I say physical, I mean we were poked and prodded in nearly every place imaginable. And then comes…the needles. Kevin, being the chivalrous and sweet husband that he is, let me go first. I warned the nurse that it will be in both her & my best interest to lay me down. Oh and don’t forget that no one has ever in my whole life has been able to draw blood from my forearm. She didn’t seem phased, found a spot to lay me down, and went away with that needle on my right forearm. After what seemed like endless stabbing, she commented that I must have small, rolling veins. Hence why I told her not to even try for my forearm but that is neither here nor there. So she tries for the top of my hand. She found a vein but it was so cold in that office that my tiny, rolling veins had constricted to the point where they weren’t going to give up my blood without a fight.

To make a long story short, two nurses, five stabs, two barf bucket warm water bathes for my cold hand, surgical gloves, and an X-ray blanket later, my nurses were pleased to have the blood they needed to set me free. They bandaged me up like a boxer and sent me on my way. To make it an unlucky pair and not just an unlucky patient, meanwhile Kevin tried to be brave and watch his blood. No good. He passed out.

So three cheers for the unlucky patients who survived their arch nemesis—the needle!

2 comments:

Will and Vanessa said...

That is amazing that you both have needle phobias. I can't believe that! I can usually watch them draw blood from me- thank you accutane monthly withdrawals.

Are you in Richmond now? For how long? We will be in Virginia in 5 days!

The Absaloms said...

This one made me crack up SEVERAL times!